Slimming Drinks

Slimming drinks | How to lose weight extremely fast, according to Google and Multi Million Dollar corporate weight loss companies….

Drink the below and lose weight, Quick Fast

1. Slimming Tea

What you read: “Drink this cup of slimming Tea and lose all your belly fat by tomorrow”

What it really should say: “We are just here to fool desperate people and take their money”

2. Sassy Water

WTF is Sassy water even: Supposedly Sassy water is water with a vibe. It was created by a lady named Cynthia Sass. Said lady also created the “Flat Belly Diet”.

Just add mint, lemon, cucumber and ginger to your water.

Me: “Hey Sue, what are you doing”

Sue: “Oh, don’t mind me, I am just here being Sassy AF, drinking my spruced up water, watching the weight fall by the minute.”

3. Pineapple Juice

“Drink this juice and get rid of your belly fat in just 7 days”

Also, Sue just got extremely excited…

Sue: “Yeah, I have heard of the benefits of Pineapple Juice”

Me: “Really, for weight loss?”

Sue: “Nah woman, I make my boyfriends drink it”

4.  Coconut Oil

“Coconut oil, the fat loss miracle, try it now”

You will probably feel to ill to eat any solids after you chug a jar of coconut oil

As youngsters we would drink a shot of oil prior to drinking copious amounts of booze. We believed it would line our stomachs and we wouldn’t get drunk.

Yip, you guessed it, it didn’t work. We either ended the night by vomiting in the bushes or explaining to our parents why the cops were bringing us home.

Hashtag YOLO

5. Slim Shots

I have prepared a proper video for your entertainment regarding slimming shots. Head on over to my Instagram story & click on my profile picture now to view this..

Watch Here

Video will be re-posted on IGTV and Twitter once it has expired in the story section.

This is classic, best piece of content yet!

All the grannies without Instagram can view the video by clicking here

News flash

These kinds of slimming drinks contain basically no calories. So you can drink 100 cups per day, probably get the shakes (like a meth head on a come down), eat some basic food and call it a day.

Because you are so focused on “losing weight” you have most likely cut your calories down to less than 1000 per day.

Guess what happens when you do that? You lose fucking weight.

So, it’s not the slimming drinks, it’s you being a knob and cutting your calories to an absurd amount just to lose weight, but because you are consuming these drinks at the same time, all credit will go to the drinks.

Real life scenario

Me: “Hey Sue, how’d you manage to get rid of your fat, yo”

Sue: “Instead of starting my day with a shot of tequila, I started it with a shot of Apple Cider Vinegar”

Me: “And you lost all your extra weight by doing only that”

Sue: “No, I also drank copious amounts of slimming tea, slimming shots, sassy water and pineapple juice”

Me: “Sue, how many containers of Pineapple juice do you go through with all your boyfriends?”

Also me: “This is fantastic, did you eat the same as usual”

Sue: “No, I just licked the apples and sniffed the yogurt”

Me: “Fuck”

This live conversation was brought to you straight out of Tygerberg Hospital where Sue is now been treated for all sorts of nutritional issues and stupidity.

You know what drink assist with weight loss……..?


Who the hell is Sue?