Running 4 The Toilet

Let me start with this paragraph that I found on the magnificent place called the world wide web, a place where you can find anything you are looking for, legit or not.

I found the below paragraph | I did not make it up!

“The number one weight loss secret that nobody talks about is the fact that the extra poop sitting around in your body is a main cause of your excess weight. When you learn to rid your body of extra waste on a regular basis, weight loss and maintenance become effortless.”

*As I watch my 600 lb life and think, fuck that’s a lot of excess shit they have stored under that skin!

Sue, you are overweight because you have a shit diet, not because you have excess shit!

Anyway, so running for the toilet then. As you can see, people are fed with the most ludicrous ideas, and yes you guessed it, they farking believe it!

Race toilets, meaning the toilets at road running events, the ones that we queue for what feels like hours to use. Organizers, for the love of the pee that is about to come out of me, do something about this. Many times, I stand waiting to use these toilets before starting a race and so many random thoughts run through my head; Can I keep this pee in for 10 km? What if I can’t? Why am I awake so early?

I had this totally random thought the other day…

I remember the story about the Clifton shitter (watch video), I was horrified, totally like how the fuck could someone do that, until I started running. When I started running I got to experience many firsts, firsts such as the queuing for the toilets, the bowel movements whilst running and the sudden urge to pee at kilometer 15.4, and only then did I sympathize with the Clifton shitter.

*For those to lazy to watch the video, the Clifton shitter is just a female runner pulling over, going over to someones house, pulling down her tights and takes a dump by the front door. 

If you look deeper into this matter I ask the question, who are we to judge?

Who are we to judge when the internet is handing out such valuable information such as the above, for free!

Sue: I am overweight, fat and ugly.

Internet: No sue, you are not fat.

Sue: But I am *cries eyes out

Internet: You just have excess shit stuck in your body

Sue:  Proceeds to Google “How to lose weight fast by pooing several times a day”

*Disclaimer: Sue may be a slut, but she is polite, and uses the word poo and not shit.

Internet: Try the cabbage soup diet, or eat these nuts, drink warm water on an empty stomach or hey try these weight loss nuts, maybe run 1 km as well.

Sue proceeds to eat these magic nuts, puts on her running gear, sets out on her run, the nuts kick in, her stomach starts growling and boom, we have the next Clifton shitter.

It is that easy!

There are several morals to this story:

  1. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet
  2. Get to your race early to start queuing for the toilet
  3. Sue is a slut
  4. Don’t shit in your running tights, they are too expensive
  5. Weight loss is not easy

One simply cannot shit away 100 kg by doing a 2-week cleanse, doesn’t matter how many times a day you run to the toilet!