Table Mountain

The Zombie in the room

Flakka is also known as the Zombie drug, and no I am not smoking Flakka, but me being zombified while injured was touch and go for quite some time.

5 Things other than Flakka that can turn you into a Zombie while being injured.

1. No training at gym

Take this away from a fit person and you have basically taken away their virginity. Well not really, but it is something that they value. Unless you are Sue, then you give away that shit for free.

2. Lack of fresh air

No running means no trail running. No trail running leads to extra time. Extra time leads to catching on shit. Catching on shit means hiding away inside. Hiding away inside means lack of fresh air. Lack of fresh air leads to a zombie state of mind.

3. Copious amounts of Tequila, Punch & Coronas 

Once in the zombified state you are flexible. Your body already feels like rubber so when someone tries to twist your arm to join in day drinking you say yes quicker than Sue says yes to a ride on the back of a cucumber truck.

Insert: Still not sure who Sue is? Find out more!

4. Paint fumes

Trying to remain as responsible as possible you buy a house, this should keep you in line. You decide to paint the house. Paint fumes make the final ingredient to the Zombie cocktail. At this stage you are so eager to go look for your name and Sues virginity that were lost last week but you just can’t. You have become accustomed to your new life, and it happened a lot fucken quicker than you expected.

5. Sleeping in 

The more you sleep, the more you want to sleep. In the beginning of your “finding your Zombie” expedition you struggle to sleep in past your normal 04:30 wake up time. By the time you have flakked into a Zombie you struggle to wake up before 7am.

How to flakka out of the Zombie state:

  • Don’t listen to the podiatrist or chiropractor
  • Get an unexpected message from one of your coaches asking when you will be back at gym
  • Strap your turf toe up
  • Put on your big girl panties
  • Go for a slow walk up Lions Head
  • Start going back to gym without overdoing it
  • Be careful, be so careful not to overdo it, because the last thing you want is to have to repeat the flakka steps to becoming a zombie.

Disclaimer: Please note that this may or may not be an over exaggeration of how I have spent my last two months while being injured.

If you have been struggling with any injury, or the same as me (sesamoiditis) please note that it has been a long road to recovery and I haven’t just jumped into training again. I am also lucky enough to gym with my podiatrist who has been offering a huge amount of advice.

This article is a laugh, not advice.