I was taking a bath.
I bet you just caught yourself singing that? Yeah I know you did.
Let’s try that again; Splish Splash I was taking a bath (you still caught yourself singing that, right?), long about the corona lockdown, yeah.
The 5 Splish Splashes of lockdown
It is very important that you take note of the below so that you can easily identify these splishes and splashes while out doing your essential shopping.
1. Toilet Paper War(ders)
People are going crazy. Running down the isles of the shopping centre. The race is on as they head towards the toilet paper section. Sweat dripping as the battle of the fastest trolley pusher is on. Karen beats Sally and takes the last pack of kak paper. Sally starts sweating from anxiety, because she only has 123348 rolls of toilet paper at home and fears it may not be enough.
Splish Splash. The sound of the sweat dripping to the ground caused by the Corona toilet paper wars.
2. Brew, Let’s Make Beer
Simon, you have never made anything in his life. Not even a scrambled egg. Oh wait, Simon has made something. You have made a name for yourself at your local pub. Simon the beer drinking beast. Day 15 of lockdwon Simon runs out of beer. Alcohol is banned. And just like that, Simon has 17kg’s of Pineapples and Apples and has his own home brewed beer. Priorities.
Splish Splash. The sound of your very unexpected 1am stool after drinking your home brew.
3. Splish, Salmonella Attack, Splash
Enter the egg challenge. Hey Bertus, here is a raw egg. Drink it. Bertus: “Ag a nee Pietie, I can do better than that, I can eat the raw egg, swallow sugar and down a shot of whiskey“. It’s like chocolate & wine pairing, just less pretentious. Bertus’s wife cringes for the video. Only cause she knows her mom will watch it. Innocent Engela, you are not fooling us. We know you have had worse things in your mouth.
Splish Splash. You look like an asshole.
4. Single Sue
You walking down isle number 6 of the shop. Full face mask. Latex gloves. You are starting to look homeless. You notice Sue looking at you from a distance (you just started singing that song as well, right Bette?). As she stares you up and down, she has that loving look in her eyes. The best thing she has seen in 21 days. Don’t be fooled into love at first sight. You are the first and only person she has seen in 21 days. She has not eaten one single “eggplant” in 21 days. She is hungry. She will devour any eggplant the moment lockdown is ended.
Splish Splash. The sound you WON’T be hearing if you are on lockdown alone.
5. Homeschooling Susan’s
Bobby, the little shit, is your little shit. Usually he is the teachers little shit, but not now. You are in control of teaching little Bobby his A, B, C’s, and you realize it is not as fucking easy as 1,2,3. Is it now Susan? You start thinking that maybe it isn’t really the teacher at fault here. It starts sinking in. Your little Bobby is a little shit.
Splish Splash. The sound of Susan pouring her first glass of wine before 1st break at 9am on day 2 of homeschooling.
The Sound going on in my head
That makes me to come up with such kak
S T A Y ❤️ S A F E